This isn’t something I’d usually post, I generally keep my personal life and complications aside when it comes to blogging. Especially since my blog is focused more on hobby and art, rather than my life journey.
However, things have been pretty difficult for me lately, trust has been broken, anxiety is creeping into my mind, people I needed help from most have turned away and feeling none existent until something bad or unexpected happens. Well, the unexpected happens in form of a mental breakdown/ sudden meltdown.
I won’t go into the details of how this occurred, nor the place where it happens, but it all comes to the fact that things aren’t going well for me. The place I go to, I feel alone, like I’m not a person, just a none existent thing that’s at the back wall. Socialising is difficult for me, I can’t express much, nor can I talk to anyone without the lingering shadow that always brings me down.
My stress levels are getting worse for me now that I have so much to do, my situation has stopped me from focusing on my tasks and it’s getting worse each week. I’m trying so hard to contain my frustration, but I can feel the pull of the chains getting weaker and weaker.
I wish I could be like the average person, to not be weighed by my difficulties, to actually feel like I’m apart of something. To have the strength to defeat my anxiety and inner demons. But, I know deep down, I’m very much a lone wolf in life.
If things don’t change, if I can’t voice my concerns louder nor fight for my very sanity, then I can only hope there’s something else out there worth holding onto.
I thought sharing this would put my mind at ease for a few hours. I’ve made it vague enough so that no repercussions will happen to anyone around me. But, I can’t contain the weight I’m forcing myself to hold onto.
There will be a new post next week, if all things go to plan.